Losing my daughter, Rubybleu Puja was certainly the hardest moment of my life. The year that followed I faced some of the most intense depths of sorrow. I learned the lesson of birth and death together in an unbelievably short time of only five days. Treading through what I call the Terrain of Grief was certainly one of the most painful yet also profoundly beautiful times. I learned so much about life, dealing with reality of birth and death, impermanence and also interdependence, that all things pass and all things are interconnected. Through that experience as well as other losses that inevitably come with our life path I have found that deeply feeling the emotions of grief and allowing them to wash through us as tears is an integral part of eventual healing.
In India, where I lived for seven years, I was moved by the way they honored the dead. After someone passes away, they are mourned for deeply, passionately and then burned with the entire family present to witness the powerful transformation of body and flesh to bone and ash. In our society, we often are not able to fully express our own depths of grief and loss. African author and healer, Malidoma Patrice Some says, “One must ask why tears, the softest expression of grief, are not as acceptable in the modern world as are anger and rage.”
To help honor this process of grieving and letting go, I am now offering private and group grieving ceremonies to assist in your own losses of life. By bringing yourself deeply into the emotional body, then letting it wash through you allows for blockages, stagnation to clear.
Right after Rubybleu passed away, I felt as if she became an ancestral spirit, or guardian of my family. Having never developed any kind of personality, she felt and still feels more like an essence: an essence of beauty, brilliance, and power. When she came and left, it was like a falling star. Venus was brilliant in the sky during that time of year. After we cremated her, the ashes mysteriously turned red and blue. My connection to the other side, the unseen world of spirits, ancestors, and non-ordinary reality grew magnanimously from this experience.
Since then I have always honored the time of year when the veils are considered to be the thinnest, when spirits are more readily in contact with the living. For the next days, I make ceremony to honor those who have crossed over.