The Lovers Card

I am working on a 22 day Tarot sadhana or spiritual practice with my beloved, Mika in the current writing of Ceremonial Tarot. ‪#‎ceremonialtarot‬

Today is the Lovers day and wanted to share with you all some thoughts and a poem.

Lately, with friends and many clients, I notice many many people are looking for their ‘soulmate,’ the ONE to complete them. How deeply we celebrate our finding of romantic love. This is interesting to me!

I lived for seven years in India where romantic love, although idealized in Bollywood cinema, is not necessarily overtly valued in the life path. There, arranged marriage is still often the norm and romantic love is seen to be a fire that will soon burn out. With the perspective that we live many lifetimes, there may be a different kind of ardor towards finding ‘the one’ in this life. Instead, ardor for a spiritual path, devotion to a teacher seems to be fueling many…

In my experience in India devotion is not a romantic love but is a deep, longer burning love and is felt firstly for God and one’s spiritual teacher and teachings, for spirit and the divine, then for family, India, one’s country. (Note: these are my OWN thoughts that I have come to form from my time there and do not necessarily reflect those of Indian peoples; perspectives are as varied as the billion plus individuals there, I’m sure!)

The last time I went to India, in September 2012, I was on a deep pilgrimage to rediscover my center. At the time I was in a functional ‘marriage’ to the father of my daughter, a relationship that seemed to be supported by mutual respect and understanding, but actually had a lot of co-dependent issues and not such a firm foundation after all. It took a lot of soul searching the past couple of years to start unpacking that one…

During my 6 week pilgrimage in India in 2012 I performed a Self Marriage Ceremony, check out my video here:

Fire of the Goddess: A Ceremony of Self Marriage from Katalin Koda on Vimeo.

After doing the ceremony, I also visited a man I had felt love for in the past, resolved that part of myself and I was fortunate to attend the Chod teachings with HH Karmapa, my spiritual teacher.

During those six weeks, what happened was…I fell completely head over heels in love with MySelf. Not my small self, but the part of me that that carries the Divine Spark always and forever united to the Inner Beloved.

When I returned home to the Big Island of Hawaii that time, I was in a place of deep, deep contentment. My inner feelings were so calm and content that I had this interesting sense of profound peace that lasted for weeks.

My thoughts were like this: if I had a husband, great. If not, great.
If I had a fabulous home to live in, wonderful. If not, wonderful.
If I was a successful writer, fantastic. If not, fantastic.

I was truly at peace with my entire being…and it was in that moment, in that place of deeply resonating love and beauty and truth and contentment that I then met an extraordinary person…someone who reflected and resonated all these parts that had been tucked away for years and years in the placidity of my previous relationship.

My very first vow of my Self Marriage was…and still is, to call back all parts of mySelf. And in doing so, I opened the gateway to meeting my next level reflections in a partner.

IMG_0976The Universe is always showing us ourSelves, whether it be through intimate romantic relationships, a spiritual teacher, chaotic situations, family relations.
Our own inner dialouge, thoughts, feelings, sense of worth, sense of lack, sense of abundance, sense of gratitude is continuously being reflected by the Infiinitely Creative Universe that surrounds our tiny and exquisite selves. It cannot be any other way, is what I have come to realize. And how much we have to explore then, work with, to learn and discover! For some this comes with romantic relationships; for others through parenting; for others through work; for others being alone in nature…whatever it is, it is showing up For You. For your Divine Self…and my only suggestion is…fall in love. Fall in Love with all of it, as you are it, all around, within and surround.

What I have learned is that the Beloved is ultimately within. Although I fell madly, deeply in love with this lovely woman, Mika…I also know that she is ultimately a reflection of the love, peace, joy and creativity that I feel within. We resonate and so we naturally attracted one another. And, ALSO I was finally at a place in my life, where I was willing to recognize that all that arises within me, is ultimately MINE. Anger, attachment, jealousy, all the rich stuff that provides a way to learn about loving more deeply, compassion, wisdom.

And so this relation~ship was entered into with eyes Wide Open, in wonder and awe, and also an ultimate commitment to oneSelf growth and development. Navigating what we have entered in the midst of a torrential breakup was challenging to say the least! And yet, it helped me to continuously anchor into my own Self Marriage vows, my commitment to my own growth and opening to Love over and over again. This has deepened our own relationShip and intimacy every moment….as we continue to fall in love with ourSelves, with each other, with the Universe….

There is a lot more to say on all of this…but there is a little piece from my heart and Truth to you…Much love!

And here’s a sweet poem dedicated to my Beloved….

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